Imagine the excitement of getting married to the love of your life. But also imagine what if you have to sign for an expiration date on your marriage certificate? Yep, that’s what other people would prefer as a list of options on a marriage certificate.
Today’s article is based on a wonder and candid conversation I recently had with a dear friend about MARRIAGE and RELATIONSHIPS. I was so captivated on hearing this mans perspective about marriage and divorce, about love, manipulation and modern view on commitment.
Before I deep dive into the discussion, I would like for you to first think about this statement;
The argument is; having such an option could be beneficial to those individuals or couples who don’t see themselves being married to the same person forever. Also, my friend added; ” Marriage is of no worth anymore.” A statement which prompted me to wanna know why he felt that way. So, he said;
Friend: “it feels like we are programmed on how and when to love someone. This thing called “SEASONS” of love is real. We love a person depending on the season we are in. We fall in love because that person fulfills a purpose for us in that season.”
we treat love & each other like products, I am gonna try and if it doesn’t work out, I am gonna return it back on the shelf-guest
But maybe marriage is meant to be difficult. It’s as if we are required to make our partners constantly HAPPY and if we fall short then everything crumbles. It feels like the minute we don’t feel happy inside individually then something is wrong with the other person so, our minds automatically start shifting and start thinking of other alternatives to bring that individual happiness back. But it shouldn’t be that way.
He added; have you ever been in a position where you met someone and they made you feel this magical HAPPINESS inside which you can’t even describe to anybody but it just feels so good being around the person? Well, you know why you feel that way at that moment? Often, is because the person fits so perfectly into your current mental position and what you have been thinking about a perfect partner would have.
So, whatever type of love season you are in let’s say, you are looking for a partner who is fun and who can make you laugh. Well, despite all the other many things you have on your list of what your next partner should have, this person you just met is demonstrating the ability to make you laugh and it’s a check box in your list. That’s what you are needing right now. You become excited to have found your love for life but so do those love chemicals in your brain. They start shooting everywhere in your brain and before you know, you realize this is actually the person I have been looking for all my life even though put in a bigger picture they are not.
“if marriage vows are easily broken which mean, marriage is not taken that serious or valued like what it used to be back in the day, then why is it such a big deal when some people would prefer having an expiration date added on a marriage certificate?“
But this is because this person is making you feel so so amazing, naturally we of course won’t wanna let go of that good feeling. It’s like a drug. While it’s far from the truth, that this it truly gonna be your life partner it doesn’t stop our brain from being impulsive and making impulsive decisions like eloping to Vegas and getting married instantly or whatever. But what am trying to say is, you could try to wait a year or two before marrying this person and do it the traditional way where you date first and get to know each other etc. But it’s so easy to ignore any red flags because all you want to hang on to is that very first amazing feeling you had with this person.
But this is exactly the feeling that when you are MARRIED or in a COMMITTED relationship becomes the center core of everything about your love life. But troubles start when this kind of spark doesn’t exist anymore from one partner or both partners, that’s when everything really starts to crumble.
So, I came up with a THEORY. But in order to understand this theory, I want you to think about a product you bought from a store shelf and took it home. But when you got home and used it for a little while, you realized that not only does the product not work for what you needed it for but you actually picked a completely wrong product. So, you decided to return the product back to the store and the store in turn put it back on the shelf because it was gently used but it’s still in it’s box like brand new.
Well, this is exactly how we treat each other in this modern day love and relationships. We love a person seasonally and get into a commitment or relationship with them but we really don’t take the time to learn about them and get to really know them in all their seasons and determined if they really a best fit for us in all our seasons and if we are a best fit in all their seasons.
This is the reason why you see a lot of couple’s break up soon after they jumped in a relationship or get married. But we also often wonder what happened because they looked happy. Unfortunately, they looked “HAPPY” because we were seeing them while they were still in that “perfect season” the both met at and were still high off of each other & still satisfying their purpose for each other at that season/time. But as soon as that season was over and a new season came into play, they didn’t know how to deal with each other so they needed to move on.
Basically, what ends up happening which is pretty much a common practice in most relationships nowadays is that; when we meet people who vibe with everything we love, we subconsciously decide we are gonna “TRY” this thing called relationship or marriage with them but in the back of our minds we also know that we have the “OPTION” to for a divorce or moving on if it doesn’t work out.
But you are only gonna find out the reality once the dust settles and you are bored because all that puppy love and hush hush adrenaline rush which gave you the high or the happiness is no longer there, you just don’t wanna be there. You no longer serve nothing to each other. This is what happens to most couples nowadays.
That was definitely a mouth full but isn’t it true? I have seen so many people who fell in love in such conditions and unfortunately had to fall out of love shortly after. I myself have experienced such kinda quick hush hush love but luckily I never got so far into getting married.
It’s so crazy how life works. Single people long to be in a relationship but those in a relationship want to be out.
Well, I asked my friend if by chance he knew his partners Love Language. But I was not surprised when he said no, he didn’t know. But that’s also very common in most relationships.
To conclude this discussion properly, I want to quickly circle back to the first paragraph which I asked “would signing an expiration date on a marriage certificate change how people think and view their marriage to their partner?”
To be honest, I would probably be the first in line to object this idea because I would need a lot other options to also be presented like; an option for those who want to forever be with each other. That’s just one option I can quickly think of but I am sure I can come up with a dozen more. I want to also add that I believe paying attention to culture differences does matter when choosing a partner and really getting to understand your partner’s behavior health is really really important because this is a person you might end up having kids with and you don’t want any surprises to how your kids turn out behavior wise, right?
Now your turn: What do you think of the discussion? Would you be down with marriage certificates having an expiration date? If so, why? And, If not, why not? If you liked this discussion and would like to see more of this type of content please let me know by leaving a comment below.