***Make sure to check the Podcast page for the video discussion****
Imagine the excitement of getting married to the love of your life. But also imagine having to sign an expiration date on your marriage certificate. Feels like a bummer!!
Today I will be discussing a conversation which I recently had with a dear friend of mine about marriage and relationships. The discussion was so genuine, raw and fresh. But what captured me the most was my friend’s modern view about commitment.
Well, before I dive deep into the discussion, I would like for you to think about this statement first. Some people argue that if marriage vows are easily broken which could mean, people don’t value marriage like back in the old days, so why would having an expiration date on a marriage certificate be considered a big deal?
Where as this option could actually be beneficial to those couples who don’t see themselves being married to the same person forever. Well, my friends argument didn’t fall too far from what I have heard other couples express before that “he wasn’t sure about the worth of marriage anymore.” But of course like any good friend, I wanted to know what brought him to that conclusion.
He went on saying, it feels like we are programmed on how and when to love someone. This thing called SEASONS is real. We love a person depending on the season we are in. We fall in love because that person fulfills a purpose for us in that season.
But maybe marriage is just meant to be difficult. It’s as if we are required to make our partners constantly HAPPY and if we fall short then everything crumbles. It seems like the minute we don’t feel happy inside then our minds automatically start shifting and start thinking of other alternatives to bring that happiness back.
Have you ever been in that position where you met someone and they made you feel this magical feeling of HAPPINESS inside? It’s like this unexplainable type of feeling? Well, the reason to feeling that way usually it’s because the person you met fitted right into the mental position you were in at that moment in time. Because the feeling is so amazing you suddenly start thinking this could be that one person you have been looking for your entire life.
When you are MARRIED or in a COMMITTED relationship, this HAPPINESS becomes the center core of everything and when this kind of spark doesn’t exist anymore from one partner or both partners, that’s when everything really starts to crumble.
So, I came up with a THEORY. But in order to understand this theory, I want you to think about a product that you got from a store shelf which when you got home and used it for a little while, you realized that not only the product doesn’t work for you but you completely go the wrong product. So, you decided to return the product back to the shelf at the store.
Well, this is exactly how we treat each other when we love a person seasonally and get into a commitment or relationship with them. It means we haven’t taken enough amount of time to learn them and get to know them in all their seasons and determined if we could be with that person.
Basically, what ends up happening which is pretty much a common practice in most relationships nowadays, when we meet people who vibe with everything we love and we decide to take that extra step and get into a relationship with them or marry them, we subconsciously and consciously have decided that we are gonna “try” this thing called relationship with them but in the back of our minds we know that we also have the “option” to move on if it doesn’t work out.
That’s why you see a lot of couple’s break up soon after they jumped in a relationship and we often wonder what happened because they looked happy. Unfortunately, they looked “HAPPY” because we were seeing them while they were still in the “season.” They were still high off of each other & They were still satisfying their purpose for each other.
But once the dust settled and they realized their purpose for each was no longer there, they got bored and the happiness also left. This kind of high almost feels like that of a drug. It’s so common in married couples.
Well, my friends that was a mouth full. But isn’t it crazy how life works. Single people long to be in a relationship but those in a relationship want to be out?
Well, I asked my friend if by chance he knew his partners Love Language. But I was not surprised when he said no, he didn’t know. But that’s also very common in most relationships, sometimes misinterpretation of what the other person wants or means can be the start of issues in relationships.
To conclude this discussion properly, I want to quickly circle back to the first paragraph which asked “would signing an expiration date on a marriage certificate change how people think and view marriage?” To be honest, I would probably be the first in line to object this idea because I would need a lot other options to be presented such as; an option for those who want to forever be with each other. I want to also add that I believe paying attention to culture differences does matter when choosing a partner.