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Do you sometimes look at your life and wonder where did time go? I will be turning 40years old this year and SMH because for whatever reason am still trying to convince myself that it’s not some sort of a mistake that am really gonna be 40.
So, I thought what a better time to actually do some reflection since we are still fresh into the New Year and really look into what I have learned so far and what I should look into doing in my 40’s.
Of course without a doubt I have seen a lot of things happening in the past 20 years of my adult life and to be honest there is really nothing about LIFE, LOVE and RELATIONSHIP(S) that anyone can tell me and would shock me. Good or Bad, you name it, I have seen it all and heard it all.
After my divorce from a seven year marriage, I decide to go on a journey of self discovery. I wanted to learn about me, I wanted to understand me and why I am the way I am and do things the way I do them. Of course, through the journey I was able to learn so much, not just about myself but also so much about life. Additionally, I really enjoyed my new life as a single person and as a single mother but I think that could have just been the self-fish part of me.
I was able to grow so much through this journey; mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically and financially. I felt so fulfilled, and was full of life again. I had gained great energy on just about everything.
Fast forward, I met someone and fell in love, had another child but unfortunately a few years later we fell apart. I remember the break up being so painful and such a difficult time in my life. However, I believe sometimes people come into our lives to teach us something and can only stay for a season but not permanently.
Anyway, after all was said and done, I was once again single but this time with two children that I hd to co-parent with my exe’s. One day, I was sitting on a bench at the park enjoying the scenery and asked myself WHAT HAVE I REALLY LEARNED THIS SECOND TIME?
From that question, I felt like my whole being got so overwhelmed all of a sudden. But it was a turning point for me, I knew right there it was time to do a 180. And so here I am today. I thought what if there is someone out there who is also at the same position as I was. What could they be thinking and doing?
So, I wanted to share a few things I have learned in the past few years which have helped me become a stronger and better person. But most importantly more tactical especially now that I am thinking about getting back in the dating scene.
I will also share with you how I learned to program myself so I would/could DATE WITH A PURPOSE and how to SPOT AND STOP A PLAYER from a MILE AWAY. It’s such a powerful feeling to be able to say to someone I think you are wasting my time. Just think about it!
Well, so in order to properly begin my journey. I wrote down a few things on a piece of paper which were going to be fundamental as I pursue this journey which I will highlight as subheadings as we go. Remember, you are not too old for anything. You can make a fundamental list as well for guidance.
Committing to a daily Prayer: I decided if am gonna talk to anybody about my issues, wants or needs this time around that person better be GOD. Because if you are like me, we already know as women we always love to run to our best friend(s) first for advice or support whenever we are struggling with our love lives and everything around feels crazy. But this time I said why not try talking to GOD? After all, he wants us to run to him!!
Even though I already pray daily, I realized I needed to restructure my prayers and so I made them more PURPOSEFUL PRAYER(s). When saying my prayers nowadays, I say them with a VISION of the things I want. For example: I would say something like: Father God please provide me a partner who counsels with you first before anything etc. See, how am being very specific?
Declutter my mind and having an open heart: clearing my brain allows me to have the space and room to be able to receive my blessings without any doubts or confusion.
it’s important that you are very SPECIFIC in your PRAYERS
Personal Development: thank goodness there is internet today!! I have taken it very serious to work on myself. One thing I have made sure to do is to consistently seek PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT tools such as online workshops, therapy, reading personal development books and so forth.
However, while there are many channels one can seek personal development from, the one I am referring to here is the one very most important. The SELF CHECK! where you require yourself to look within you and do some personal cleaning such as; working on personal issues, family traumas and other baggage you have been carrying around for so long.
Clean your own DEMONS which are causing you depression, suicide thoughts, weight problems, financial issues etc. This is also called “GETTING YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.”
For me, this is basically me preparing myself for a FRESH and PURE start with my whole being so are you!
Do you know what you want & is it written down on a piece of paper? how do you WANT TO LOVE YOUR (NEXT) PARTNER and HOW DO YOU WANT YOUR PARTNER TO LOVE YOU BACK. It’s important to understand that in order for a relationship to be successful it has to be a GIVE & TAKE commitment and NOT a ONLY TAKE.
In a couple paragraphs above, I stated the significance of being very specific and clear in your prayers as well as being clear with yourself. The reason is so the UNIVERSE can PRESENT YOU what you exactly asked for.
As you can already tell from what I have said so far, what am doing is committing myself to certain things and I want the UNIVERSE to give me exactly those things in addition to the wonderful things that Gods has already planned for me. I am basically MANIFESTING!
Being EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY and CONNECTED to SELF. Last but not least, I personally believe in order to achieve a pure emotional health and oneness, a person has to be very HONEST with themselves and ABSTAIN from any type of SEXUAL activities.
I saved this for last because I know how much of a challenge this step can be but it’s still achievable. We have become a society that’s more moved by now and what makes us HAPPY NOW. So, because of this it has become more common that people would connect sexually first to detect if they can be together at all. But to be able to successfully achieve oneness and a healthy emotionally being, we have to first eliminate the need and want for CASUAL SEX.
For example: think about the many times you have engaged in casual sex with a person and it turned into you or the other person having strong feelings for the other but the other one doesn’t feel the same way. Such a feeling can cause emotional stress in the brain and body which eventually can disturb your emotional healthy. Being free from casual sex or any type of sexual activities allow you to build a different kind of energy and connection when you are around men and people in general. So, in return you are going to start ATTRACTING MEN/people with the same vibe and energy as you.
Additionally, practice being present. This is a mastered skill for sure but it can be attained after a few practices. The best part about being present at all times and connected to the universe, you are able to listen and observe at a much deeper level.
It’s crazy how your whole being changes when you are PRESENT and AWARE. You will begin to notice details and a whole lotta things in people around you i.e. SHADINESS, MANIPULATORS, PLAYERS, F** BOYS, CHEATERS and so forth. All you will be doing is checking people off your list real quick!
But having said everything above doesn’t mean I haven’t run or you won’t run into f** boys and players etc or that your life will be perfect, NO. However, your life will be much happier and easier. Your major accomplishment will be noticing the RED FLAGS and firmly be able to say NO to men who are amazing but would be a PAIN if you choose them.
It also doesn’t mean you will be completely shielded from players approaching you, NO, men love beautiful women especially those who they see as a CHALLENGE. So, you will still be approached but the good news is you will be on TOP OF YOUR GAME!
Your turn: what do you think of this discussion? please rate it below and leave a comment!