It’s human nature to want to get closure when we feel betrayed by a person we love(d). This person can be a significant other or a family member. But one important thing to be aware of is that; not all closures are good for our emotional health and well being.
A lot of issues such as; emotional trauma can actually develop from getting the closure we wanted and needed so bad. Some of the damage we could gain from getting closure may include; more anger built up, frustration, resentment and sometimes even more questions, which could result in obsessive behaviors toward the person who betrayed us.
However, on the positive side, getting closure often times results in the best feelings such as; a feeling of relief and settlement. But at the end of day, what really matters in this whole situation of “wanting and needing closure” is how the discussion is handled between the two parties. The deliverer and the recipient. In fact, it mostly matters, for the recepient and her/his state of mind at the moment.
How the the recipient (the person who needs closure) is prepared to receive the information given to her/him by the other person (deliverer) matters because if at any point the deliverer miscommunicate the information or a statement and the recipient fails to receive it the “right way” or misunderstands, things can easily escalate the wrong way from there. So basically, the state of mind of the recipient needs to be ready for whatever the outcome is.
Most often, the reason we want closure on situations or a fall out with a friend or family member, is because the ending of the relationship came as a surprise to the recipient. Sometimes, it could also be that, because one person was emotionally more invested in the relationship than the other. So, usually, in such a situation and at the current time; the driving point of all our emotions (the recipient), is solely on the disbelief of how could this be happening to me right now? Did the other person really meant it when they said, they cared and loved me? Where did I miss the mark? I mean, the Q&A in our heads (as recipient) about “what’s just happened?” usually occupies our whole focus.
The posed question of “I need to know why this happened” becomes the core center of our lives at that moment in time. And, until we get closure we can’t focus on anything else.
The good news is; if you are going through this right now, you are not the only one. So, definitely don’t feel alone, abandoned or confused. There are so many other people who are also in the same situation as you and of course there are some of us who have gone through it already. As for me, I am able to write and talk about this topic at this time of my life because I am now healed and have found peace. I also wanted to share my experience so I could talk about the process that I took to get me to this point. The struggles and the successes because it can be rough.
But if you are reading this and have gone through a betrayal situation before, I applaud you!! I would love to hear what you did to get through the agonizing times and the struggle. What did you do? Please share your feedback on the comments section below.
Anyway, let me share my story with you. This was actually a story that I wanted to talk about so bad right after it had happened a few years ago but I couldn’t at the time because I guess it just wasn’t the right time. Maybe I would have been so negative had I shared it then. But either way, I am glad it’s over with and I have completely closed that crazy chapter of my life and moved on in peace. Now, for some of us, healing might take longer than others. So, that’s just something to keep in mind if you are in the process of healing.