Why it matters for my kids to understand what being BLACK in America actually translates to!


I am writing these notes with such a heavy heart this evening after watching over so many lives of our young black men and women being taken away unjustified just because another human being feels like he has the power to do so and will never be questioned about their cruel actions….

As a mother of two black kids who are growing to become their own individuals it’s very stressful knowing and seeing how uncertain their lives could be just because of the unjust police brutality; where to some people, being BLACK is not acceptable.

I am writing this with a heavy heart because of the paranoia and fear that’s building up in me for realizing that my kids are not safe if they are not in the house with me or their dad but out and about with their friends or by themselves. It’s hard to explain racism and bigotry to a young child as it doesn’t make any sense to them for why another human being can act so cruel toward another human being just because the other is BLACK.

I am grateful because my teenage son has a great father who takes the time to explain to him about racism and why he should know being a black kid might not be as cool as he thinks at least in some situations. I am grateful for these kinds of talks because they are coming from a white man’s perspective.

My son’s father grew up in Escondido, California where he was surrounded by so many races. Even after moving to Utah, he always found himself always surrounded by friends who were from other cultures. It was crazy that when we first met, I thought he was black even though his skin was light. But of course that was because of the people he mostly associated with.

While he came from a rich and affluent neighborhood he always stood by and defended the underdog. He loved his friends and at a very young age he learned of the social inequalities by observing his friends socials struggles which he knew it was because they were not white, so they got treated differently. From his own life lessons, my ex has managed to always be upfront with our son about how he needs to protect himself especially when he is with his “white” friends.

One thing he has always stressed to our son has been that; where he would tell him “even when he is playing with his white friends, to always remember, if they get in trouble and a cop get’s called to never try to run away, even if his friends do.” Instead he has told him to always make sure he does everything the cop says and to always put his hands out where they can be seen.” My ex has gone as far as to tell our son, to not bother about calling mom or dad during a situation with a cop even though he will be scared and tempted to do so. Never to try and reach for his phone in his pockets as he would tell him, it’s safer for mom or dad to come get him from jail than for mom and dad to receive bad news like he got shot or killed.

Of course my son being a teenage boy with so many questions like any other teenage he asked but why can’t I run if my friends can run and why would I have to take the blame for something I didn’t do? Honestly, these are the typical and very reasonable judgments any young kid would think of right?!. And, it is very fair. But as a parent this is the absolute opportunity for more explanation and a teaching moment.

Another big thing my ex always tells my son, is that; never to stop or pull over on a dark road if he is by himself or with another black friend and are being pulled over by a white cop. His explanation to that reason is that; he’d rather have our son being chased by the police and him pulling over at a police station rather than be done wrong by a dirty cop on the side of a road where it’s dark with no witness. It makes sense but of course as a mom, I was like umm maybe let’s not encourage being chased by cops but then I thought about what my ex said and I was like that makes so much sense. Additionally, these were words which were coming out of a white man’s mouth. So, he knows his people and probably knows something I don’t know hence he said what he said.

Anyway, but this is the kind of paranoia and fear I am speaking-of coming from a parent of a a BLACK child. Why should we fear for our kids lives while kids from other race(s) don’t have to worry about living like this? To a degree, I feel like these white cops (not all) but most are doing these outrageous acts just to make the black men and black people feel outraged which creates anger and frustrations where people decided enough is enough. But when we (black people) or our black men react back it gets looked at as “we are aggressive people.” But in reality you caused me to react. Which then turns into see.., that’s why they get treated the way they get treated by cops. Ain’t that true?

I would love to hear your thoughts in the comment box below!

In the meantime, stay safe. Peace and Love!!!


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