Relationship Essential checklist! Before moving to the next level, do this first!


I don’t know if it’s just me, but I have noticed despite my age, sometimes it’s just that hard to make wiser choices LOL. Okay, so recently , I was at a party where I met this guy, quite charming with this beautiful deep voice and a sexy southern accent. I don’t know what it is with me and deep voices an southern accents but boy, I get lost in love!! Anyway, back to the story. Me and the guy started talking and the vibe between us was so good. I mean, I didn’t want the party to end. As usual, before the party ended we exchanged numbers and went on about our business.

We started texting but I didn’t put so much energy in the texting like that because I didn’t wanna send any signals such as; I liked him like that even though we really enjoyed each others company at the party. I didn’t find him attractive but physically but he had a few things which weren’t physical that made him stood out for me. So, the texting was really spread out.

A couple of weeks went by and he asked me if I could do lunch and I said yes. Well, surprising enough, when we met for lunch, we vibes just like when we met at the party. So, that kinda threw me off a little bit and it was very interesting. Days went by then weeks then months and I was still excited every time I saw this man and he too was every time he saw me. Listen!! This is not normal for me especially if I don’t find a person physically attractive but I didn’t wanna question my happy feelings so played along and went with the flow.

Every time we met, it felt so good. I observed ourselves just soaking up each others intense energy’s. It was three months by now and so, I started wondering could really this be the person I have been praying and waiting for? God must have JOKES, because I am not physically attracted to this man but there is something about him that keeps bringing me back to wanting to know more about him. I remember pinching myself like “hey! STOP IT!! You are starting to see if this could go somewhere while you are damn sure, it shouldn’t.” So, of course, being the person I am and not wanting to make any irrational decisions, I had to do some assessment on the “situation” so I can be sure I wasn’t just going through a “moment.”

For one, I have made so many dumb mistakes in my life when it comes to the choices of men. So, of course I don’t wanna repeat the same mistakes. So I made a checklist, yes!! you read that right, a CHECKLIST!!! LOL. First things first; on the checklist was;

  • Did I noticed any red flags? Eg: something he said, his manners etc
  • What did he say his story was?Eg: divorced, with children etc
  • Did he mention he has a job? What kind?
  • What has he been talking most about himself? Eg: his past life, family, his future plans etc
  • What did he think about Faith, Spirituality etc

“Choose your life’s mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90 percent of all your happiness or misery.”

– H. Jackson Brown Jr.

I had to go back to the basics. The checklist was a little longer than that but I needed to be realistic by making sure that I removed all the fantasies I had in my head of him. I am telling you, the man was so smooth. I wanted to be super conscious throughout my analysis and not allow myself to be in LALA land because I enjoyed the feeling of feeling loved by a man. Sometimes, it just takes that feeling for a woman to make a dumb mistake about a man.

Even though this man checked a few of my TOP 3’s on my list of what I am looking for in a partner, he still didn’t make the overall cut as a potential future partner. Part of me felt hurt because to be honest, SPIRITUALLY he got me in such a great way and I didn’t want to let that part go. But I then realized, this experience is exactly what I needed at this particular time. You know how they say, there is phase to everything? You just gotta listen to your INNER SPIRIT and give it time. Instead of falling for the inside yourself pressure because that’s your heart and it wants what it wants, when it wants it.

While the assessment helped me make some sad but great decisions, I also learned a few things such as; how to turn the sexual friendship to a regular solid friendship. The reason this was key for me was because this man had some qualities which mattered to me and I still wanted him to play part in my life with those qualities. It sounds a little selfish but let me explain it this way; just because a person didn’t make it on your list of things you are looking in a partner doesn’t mean they are bad or you can’t maintain a different kind of friendship with them. You can still benefit from them as much as they can from you. You just have to be clear about your friendship and the boundaries you set.

However, also be prepared for the other person might not feel the same way and instead want to end the friendship. In my case however, I was fortunate because like I said this man was too good to be true. When I sat down with him and told him how I felt and how I would prefer our friendship to be like he respected my decision and said he was cool with us just being friends. You can imagine the feeling I got from him agreeing to my proposal but I was also a little confused, like how matured can one person be??! This in itself was a turn on.

A question for you. At what point do you decide to let go because you already know what you needed to know? Even though you truly like a person?

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